


Say Cheese and Die

by LexieCarver



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, Sass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 12:31:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11463660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LexieCarver/pseuds/LexieCarver
Summary: Pairing: Sam x Reader (gasp! Sorry Crowley.)Beta: @raspberrymamaWord Count: 3,257A/N: @wideawakeandwriting Random Writing Challenge-100 Follower with the prompt, “Forget it. You fucking suck. Me and the boys will handle it.” Random Writing Challenge-100 follower@impalaimagining Cheese Pick Up Line Challenge with the prompt,  “You give me premature ventricular contractions.”@andtheraincamefalling Bad Pick-Up Lines Challenge with the prompt,  “I was blinded by your beauty. I’m gonna need your name and number for insurance purposes.”@huntingandwritingthings SPN Cluedo Writing Challenge- 500 Followers Celebration with the prompts, Kitchen and Analog Camera@ravengirl94 1.5k Challenge with the prompt, “I’d kill for a coffee…literally.”The name is inspired by a certain episode of “Goosebumps” and the idea is a rift on the camera in “The Omen.” It pays to watch horror. :) Sass, fluff, death of insignificant characters, humor. There will likely not be a Part 2. My muse is Crowley. It was tough writing Sam but the prompts called for it.





	Say Cheese and Die

[Also posted on my Tumblr-](http://roxy-davenport.tumblr.com/post/162836343826/say-cheese-and-die)

 

A woman with long flowing chestnut brown hair gasped as she looked at the forgotten item buried in a bin at a roadside antique sale. “OMG look, that’s the cutest vintage camera ever, isn’t it? I wonder if it still works.”

 

 

Her boyfriend, Steve, chuckled at the look of surprise and delight on her face. “You should try it Emma, see if it works. We can take a picture together.”

 

 

The woman selling her antique wares tensed and her eyes widened as she saw how the couple was with a camera, THE camera. She had to get the camera away from them. How did it get in the bin anyway? She could have sworn she threw it out. “That’s not for sale,” she barked at the couple.

 

 

They in turn looked confused and slightly frustrated. Emma gave the woman an angry glare and shook her head, evading the woman's attempt to take the camera away from her. Now that Emma found it, she wasn’t going to let it go. She really had no idea why the woman was being so disagreeable.

 

 

“I’m sorry but you can’t imagine how hard it is to find a vintage camera. I must have this analog camera. And it was in the bin. Nonsense that you’re not selling it. You just think we can’t go high enough. I’ll give $20 for it,” Emma said confidently ready to haggle.

 

 

“I’m sorry I can’t -,” the woman pleaded with the couple.

 

 

Emma frowned. “Hardball it is. OK. How about $50? $60?”

 

 

The woman looked at the money. She needed it but she knew what she was doing wasn’t right, but it was $60 at the end of the day. With a heavy heart, she knew she couldn’t pass that up. Everything else she was selling wouldn’t even add up to $60. She looked down and accepted the payment.

 

 

Emma giggled and pulled her boyfriend close, adamant on taking a selfie. She shook her hair out and pushed out her lips as if she were kissing the air. Steve had his arm around her smiling. “Ok, say cheese,” he said.

 

 

“Wow that was a strong flash,” Emma said amid giggles.

 

 

“I know. I think I’m blind,” Steve replied teasingly.

 

 

“I can’t wait to see how the picture came out,” she said with a smile.

 

 

Steve kissed Emma’s forehead. “We’re going to look so adorable, trust me.”

 

 

She giggled and hopped into the car. Emma waited patiently for the camera to spit out an image and when it did, to their surprise, there was something wrong with it. She squinted at the photo. “Um…babe I think we got hustled. There’s something wrong with the film.”

 

 

Her boyfriend parked on the side of the road and looked at it frowning. “Yeah there’s a large white bar under our necks but that doesn’t..”

 

 

The couple never got to finish their conversation because out of nowhere a metal bar flew into their car decapitating both of them in seconds. The camera was dropped and fell into the woods by their car.

 

 

You sighed heavily. “Really Dean? How very dramatic -- the saleswomen hungry for a sale, desperate for the money and a young couple not able to pass on a vintage camera, a rare find indeed. Sounds like a B rated horror movie. Trust me, I’d know.”

 

 

Dean frowned at you.

 

 

You smirked back at him. “What were the real facts? No editorializing this time,” you started with a pointed finger.

 

 

Dean frowned. “You’re no fun, Y/N.”

 

 

“Not without coffee. Don’t test me Winchester.”

 

 

Dean threw his hands up. “Fine, there was an antique sale a five minute drive from the road where their car was parked. The creepy picture was on the lap of the victim, Emma. The car was smashed in and the camera wasn’t recovered. It probably rolled into the forest. The saleswoman vanished; like, literally ran from her stand when she heard the crash. Several witnesses saw it. The road they drove on was an isolated road, only tourists used it and it wasn’t tourist season so no big mack trucks with tons of building equipment like poles would have been on the road with them. So where did the pole come from? The road is a shortcut to the next town. Hardly anyone uses it. Probably Siri suggested using that road. There was a mangled GPS system in the car. There were no witnesses to the crash. See, now that sounds boring.”

 

 

Sam sauntered into the kitchen in his pajamas, plaid pajamas. He had no shirt on. Maybe he was tired and forgot? You unconsciously licked your lips as you looked at the rippling muscles on display. Coffee forgotten, temporarily. Your eyes rove down his figure. Sam was it for you, now if you could only open your mouth and tell him that. Sigh. Sam didn’t see you like that anyway.

 

 

“Facts never sound boring Dean.” He placed his laptop on the table and started researching.

 

 

Adding onto Sam’s comment, “You could have led with you usual, “hey guys, I think I found a case” or Sam’s “check this out.” Now you’re giving us stories?”

 

 

Dean shrugged at you. “What? I can’t branch out?”

 

 

You sighed heavily. You closed your eyes as the smell of freshly brewed coffee filled the air. You beamed contentedly. It was then that you noticed that the cocky hunter was in the kitchen blocking your path to the coffee. “Oh hell no, Dean. You must be joking.” you thought.

 

 

Sam looked up from his seat at the dining room table, wondering why everything was so silent. He took in your expression and followed your eyes to the problem, chuckling. “You have a deathwish, Dean? I’d move.”

 

 

Sam’s long hair fell into his eyes. Such long, pullable hair. Hair a girl could use to position him right where you needed him, force him to stay right there and lick her clit….Coffee. You need coffee. You’re not Sam’s and he isn’t yours. You need coffee to regulate your wayward thoughts. The very coffee Dean was blocking. The anger returned.

 

 

“I’d kill for a coffee…literally. I just sharpened my knives.” You took one of your pajamas. “Never leave bed without it. I got rousted out of bed, getting only four hours for a hunt and you block the coffee? I suggest you move lest I damage you in my furious fight to the holy grail behind you,” you said with a sweet smile.

 

 

You looked out of the corner of your eye at Sam seeing a strange look pass over his face, pride was it? Happiness at the snark he’d come to love. A girl can hope.

 

 

Dean smirked and moved away to give you access to your sustenance. Everything was better with coffee. Including a weird case of an evil camera.

 

 

“You got a knack for story-telling Dean,” Sam said while surreptitiously looking at you while you poured your coffee. You were in your pajamas, looking adorable but definitely sleep deprived. A warm smile came across his face. You looked so content drinking coffee. You even closed your eyes relishing the bitter taste of it. He loved seeing you smile, you had a smile that lit up any room you were in.

 

 

“Thanks, Sammy. Someone appreciates my ‘editorializing.’”

 

 

You rolled your eyes.

 

 

“Can we get you without the sass?” Dean asked.

 

 

“No,” you said smiling. Sam smiled as he moved around you both to grab himself a cup.

 

 

“Could you be any more obvious?” Dean whispered to him.

 

 

“Hmmm?” you asked as you blew on your cup of coffee. “You two say something?”

 

 

“You look uh. Your hair…uh and you’re still in your pajamas. Tight pajamas.”

 

 

“Since when are you the fashion police, Sammy? What girl doesn’t look like a hot mess when they wake up? Not all of us can look like Greek gods, you know,” you chuckled at Sam’s blush.

 

 

Then the words “tight pajamas,” came into your mind. Huh. You looked down assessing your pajamas. Sam couldn’t help but look as well. They weren’t overly tight. You liked having fabric hug you while you slept. What of it? It wasn’t like Sam liked you? Right? Putting the thought out of your mind, you changed gears.

 

 

“So what are we thinking?” you asked curious to see if the boy wonders were on the same page as you.

 

 

“Ghost. They were killed near a antique sale. There might be an evil spirit attached to the camera. Salt and burn it.”

 

 

“I don’t think it was a spirit, Dean; a metal bar came into existence and killed them. Wouldn’t a ghost just come right out and kill them? Why make a bar appear? The brief look I got when you woke me up excitedly and shoved a picture in my face, lead me to a cursed camera. Like, witchcraft cursed. Look closely at the symbols on the camera. They’re not scribbles, Dean. This is black magic clear as day.”

 

 

“You got that all from a photo you looked at for a couple of seconds when you were groggy?”

 

 

“Don’t take it personally, boys; I’m just wayyyy more awesome than you two. You just can’t compete. I got the first shower.”

 

 

Sam couldn’t help but laugh at your sass. Dean just glared at him.

 

 

Sam held his hands up. “Hey man go easy on her, she’s right after all. She is awesome and it’s not a ghost.”

 

 

“Why do you say that?”

 

 

“Because Dean, I looked into deaths on that road and while I found a few accidents there was nothing to warrant an angry ghost. Hardly anyone drives down that road, favoring far more populated, less creepy roads.

 

 

On your way to the shower, a hunter called you. The very same hunter who had stolen your last two hunts and messed them up causing you to save him twice. You sighed heavily and clicked send.

 

 

“You and me keep going on the same cases huh?”

 

 

You could just imagine his eyebrows wiggling. Ew. “I’m in no mood for your poor attempt at flirting. I got my eyes on a tall, lanky hunter and you don’t fit the bill. “

 

 

“Way to crush a guy’s spirit.”

 

 

“You take a different girl home every night. You’ll survive. Which hunt are you on?”

 

 

“A cursed camera! How awesome is -.”

 

Before he could even finish you interjected rather frustrated. “Forget it. You fucking suck. Me and the boys will handle it. I’m being serious. I know all about witchcrafts and runes and symbols, etc. If there is anyone qualified to shut this shit down, it’s moi. I don’t want to have to rescue you again. It’s over your head, Pete. Listen to the girl with so many more years of experience under her belt.”

 

 

“Harsh but true,” he said matter-of-factly.

 

 

“Your ego is the size of the entire US.”

 

 

“It is that big,” he added with a laugh.

 

 

“I said ego, not cock; but good to know. I think there’s a vamp hunt in Missouri, a ghoul hunt in Texas and a werewolf hunt in Alabama. Pick one of those. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.”

 

 

“Never do but okay,” he stated resigned.

 

 

“Bye Pete,” you say slightly exasperated.

 

 

“Bye Y/N,” he said happily.

 

 

Your day was off to a good start.

 

 

You didn’t think that anyone would believe that you were an FBI agent. Hell, you wouldn’t have believed you were one, so you decided to go with profiler. And as a profiler, there was no reason to not look good. You went with black tailored linen pants. No reason not to be in a breathable fabric if you had to throw down. Your hair was in soft curls that framed your face and you wore a black vintage lace top that looked professional but slightly edgy. You smiled as the boys stared at you. This time you noticed Sam’s lingering gaze on your body. Boy, did you hope you weren’t misreading his interest. You bit your lip and looked him up and down.

 

 

“Not so bad yourself, Sammy.”

 

 

Dean elbowed him to make a move but Sam just smiled; a ridiculously cute smile that showcased his dimples, before he blushed and left the motel. He slowly got into Baby happily sitting shotgun. The car ride was short and spent with you and Dean singing along to AC/DC. You got to the location in no time. The boys flashed their badges and instantly were allowed to speak to the medical examiner.

 

 

“Who is this beautiful creature?” The man held out his hand but you only smiled at him, not wanting to shake his hand lest the poor man got the wrong idea.

 

 

“I’m on official business, Sir. I’m a profiler here to assist these agents on the case due to the heinous way these people died. It speaks to a certain type of killer.”

 

 

“You know it takes a lot of smarts to be in my position too.”

 

 

“If you could just give us a few minutes to just look over your findings we would really appreciate it.” Sam said pulling you into his side. “My colleague and I are, as we said, on official business.”

 

 

The medical examiner winked. “I wish I had a co-worker that looked like that. Sure guys. Come get me when you’re done. Always happy to help the feds.”

 

 

The second the man left, you straightened up and moved away slightly from Sam. “Thanks for the bail out but I’m not the damsel in distress.”

 

 

“Sometimes a guy likes to come to a girl’s assistance once in awhile,” Sam offered.

 

 

The question of whether Sam was jealous was on the tip on your tongue, but you decided against it. Flirty banter was safer than claiming jealousy, especially if you weren’t sure he liked you back.

 

 

“Oh I have no doubt you’re capable,” you said with a wink. That earned you a blush and a smirk.

 

 

Dean rolled his eyes, “If you two are done flirting, we got two vics here decapitated. It looks clean, done in one go.”

 

 

“A mysterious bar appears and cleanly takes off two heads at once?”

 

 

“It looks like it yeah,” Dean responded.

 

 

“Gives new definition to “heads will roll,” you added.

 

 

“Hilarious Y/N,“ Dean sassed.

 

 

“There are no injuries anywhere on the body, no marks, scratches, defense wounds, scrapes, nothing,” Sam added.

 

 

“Let’s look for the camera,” all three of you say at the same time.

 

 

You thank the medical examiner and hightail it out there to look for the camera. In no time you’re right by where their car stopped in the middle of nowhere.

 

 

“Okay so she dies and she’s holding the camera right?”

 

 

Sam nods. “Right and the impact would force the camera out of her hands and there’s a huge hill here.”

 

 

“Exactly Sam, it’s in the forest but the velocity would have thrown it around there? I guessing.”

 

 

After a minute of searching you had the camera in your hand. Sure enough, it had sigils on it.

 

 

“Let’s burn it.”

 

 

“No go, Dean. There’s only one way to kill it.”

 

 

You threw the camera down and grabbed a crystal, chanting Latin until the crystal glowed brightly enough to blind you all. You placed the “charged” crystal on top of the camera and chanted, holding onto the crystal tightly as it vibrated and shook. In a matter of minutes, the camera melted into the ground.

 

 

Dean gave you an incredulous look when you stood up proudly looking at the boys.

 

 

“What? The camera was cursed with magic. Magic was the only way you could destroy it.”

 

 

“Why do you know magic,” Dean inquired tentatively, slightly afraid of the answer.

 

 

“Some hunters are not as close-minded as you are Dean. It pays to know witchcraft. Come on boys, I know I need a drink after this. You two coming?”

 

 

Sam smirked and was only too happy to buy you a drink. You loved hunting with the boys and especially loved unwinding with them in bars. Of course Dean or Sam or both of them would eventually leave you alone to find a girl for the night but right now you were all just drinking, laughing and reminiscing. You loved nights like these.

 

 

“I’m buying the next round, fellas.” You smiled at the boys and walked up to the bar, tapping your fingers on the counter, happy and totally buzzed. You rolled your eyes as several men at the bar turned to you. One was even ballsy enough to approach you.

 

 

Ignoring him, you asked the bartender for three more beers. That should have been a clue to Mister Ballsy, but it wasn’t. He turned his bar stool around to check you out.

 

 

“You give me premature ventricular contractions,” he said in a teasing tone.

 

 

“You might want to get those checked out. Doesn’t sound so good. Wouldn’t want you to have a heart attack now.”

 

 

The man scoffed but didn’t take the hint. He thought you were playing hard to get, not dissuading him entirely. Clearly he thought he was too awesome for any girl not to be interested in him.

 

 

He tried again, this time his voice dripping with a playful tone. “I was blinded by your beauty. I’m gonna need your name and number for insurance purposes.”

 

 

“Sure. 1-800-in-your-dreams.”

 

 

“Oh, you will definitely be in those.”

 

 

Okay this guy was starting to piss you off. “My name’s kiss my ass. K-I-S-”

 

 

“Here are your beers,” the bartender stated, glaring at the man next to you. “She ordered three beers, dude. Take a hint,” he offered. Even he was getting pissed off.

 

 

You chuckled and fired back a response you were sure would get the message across. “Looks like that’s all the time we have before I go back to my voracious lovers. One man was never enough for me. Those two keep me occupied. More than a girl could ever imagine and they’re brothers. So thanks, but no thanks. I’m good. Bye now.”

 

 

Sam glared at the man as he stared over at your table in shock. You walked over and put the three beers down at the table and slid into the booth with Sam. Sam pulled you to him and crammed his mouth on yours. The shock quickly faded and you wound your arms around Sam’s neck pulling him closer. The man definitely got the message and left the bar frustrated. When you disconnected from Sam, you fought to get some air in. He literally took your breath away. You stared into his eyes and this time found all the reassurance you needed. All the lingering glances, all those smiles and smirks he gave you, you weren’t imagining it. He wanted you. The lust in his eyes was clearly there. You gulped at the intensity, desperate to make up for lost time. You bit your lip and watched Sam's expression darken as his hand wound around your back tighter.

 

 

“What the fuck took so long?” you questioned.

 

 

Dean smirked. “Told you, man.”

 

 

Sam growled into your ear, “Mine.”

 

 

You whispered back into his ear, leaning across him, giving him a good view of your breasts. You felt his hard cock against your thigh. Oh my god, was he huge. You could only imagine how it’d feel inside you, the right mixture of thick and long. “All yours, Sam,” you mewled. “Show me what you got,” you teased.

 

 

“It looks like I’m not going to be the one sleeping in Baby tonight,” Sam said with a smirk.


End file.
